...continued...
After the lesson, he dropped me back off at my apartment. Not in such a great mood. He was really stressed out about the horse. I mean, REALLY stressed out. I'd never seen a man so distraught over an animal. I almost felt back. I felt my anger kind of turning into pitty. So he began to talk. In comes the part about me being a good friend, and listener. He then left, back on his way to Visalia to save the horse. I don't even think he made it out of Fresno County before he turned back. He showed up back and my door and said he was stealing me so he would have someone else there to help, if need be. I think he really just wanted me there for comic relief, because I do random, dumb things, and injure myself. At this point, it's early evening, and I'm already in my pajamas. He didn't give me the option to change. Nor the opportunity. My pajamas consisted of a short pair of shorts and baggy t shirt that day. So off we went. I was kind of glad that he came back too, cause I had left my guitar in his truck and would have ended up having to go get it at some point...saved myself the gas, and mileage, that way.
We get back and I spend a few hours with Sandy, she was looking worse. Wouldn't stand up, so I laid with her. Brushed her and and petted her. Got her to eat a few carrots while Stinky Face fed the other horses and animals, threw around some hay, and broke upon a bunch of bails to make her comfy. I felt so bad for this horse, nothing brought her comfort. He called the vet, and set up for him to come out at some point because he didn't think she was going to make it. She was extremely dehydrated, only drinking a little here and there and panting like crazy. Hello labor pains and old age! Apparently we were on shifts, cause I one point I was told it was my break time and dinner was ready inside.
{Going back in time, slightly...before I had agreed to return to Visalia with him, I had told him he had to make me dinner, and his response to that was "candle lit". He's as sarcastic as I am, so I assumed he was full of shit.}
We both went back to his living quarters and washed up a little. Then went back into the house, where I stumbled my way to the kitchen, again, attempting not to break anything in the process. The kitchen was dark except for a little light that was coming from the kitchen table. A small candle was lit, I believe it to be a half broken candle somehow manipulated to stand up. He had placed two plates across from each other, neatly plated, he made chicken (fool is a health nut and doesn't eat anything that is red or not organic...psh whatever!), brown rice and some crazy looking salad. All portioned exact and perfect. HOW CAN HE DO EVERYTHING SO DAMN PERFECT! damn man. I didn't realize how starving I was. I pretty much inhaled mine. All he did was push his around on his plate. At one point the candle started to fall, so he pulled out his I Phone and switched on his lighter app, he said it still counted as candle lit. Makes me laugh to think about it now. When I was done, he sent me out to check on the horse again while he did dishes and put things away. I walked out to the stable to meet his mom. She was on shift now. I actually helped move some hay around (watch out country girl!) and get a tranquilizer ready for "just in case", almost stabbing myself with it twice. A brush with death only I could encounter! After a few minutes I decided I needed to take off the million sizes too big boots and let me feet rest, so I mozied my way back to the "man cave" to dispose of them and relax. With no idea as to where he was at that point, I decided a nice bath sounded amazing! So I took full advantage! When I was done, I unfortunately had to throw on my shorts again, but found a clean sweatshirt in his closet to steal. He then walked in, saying a shower sounded about wonderful. We chatted for a few seconds and he started making his way toward the bathroom, removing his shirt in the process. I told myself I wasn't gonna look....swore I wouldn't...but my curiosity got the best of me, and my eyes wondered in his direction. PERFECTION! It was like the clouds of heaven had parted and shined down on him in every way imaginable. I was deep in a coma of horrible thoughts when his moms screams for help broke my concentration. He turned back around, threw his shirt back on (DAMN IT!) and toward the door.
I was standing up, about the time he had made it to his boots and had at least one of them on. Still in a fog, I grabbed my loaner boots and attempted to run out behind him. He had the second on and was like perfection running out the door. Still trying to wrap my head around what was going on, I managed to slip on the first with ease...made it to the doorway as I was trying to slip on the second massive boot, but my foot didn't quite make it into the opening and slipped. As my body began to fall forward, my foots natural reaction was to kick itself out in front of my. In a single motion, my large toe got caught on the opening of the boot, kicking forward to meet the door frame. Jamming not only my big toe farther into the boot and the hard wood, my second toe folded over to let me pinky tow and the one next to it slam into the door frame with a slight pop. That did it! Over I went, slightly out the door, doing a stellar barrel roll landing on my back, with my foot still in the air, still attempting to get my foot into the overly obese boot. God knows what I looked like, in the midst of my almost killing myself, he turns back to check on me screaming "MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!", and attempts to stop mid run and turn back for me. I put my hand in the air and yell back "NO! GO ON WITHOUT ME! JUST GO ON!" He turns back to run towards his mom yelling "I'LL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!" At this point I've given up on the boot, dropped it to my side and I'm spread out like I'm about to make a snow angel on the concrete right in front of the "man cave", accepting my defeat, I just lay there. Not really planning on getting up any time soon. My toe throbbing like nobodies business. I gave up.
After a few minutes of laying there, realizing the grim reaper wasn't going to show up anytime soon, I managed to pull myself up off the ground. Pulled the other boot on and limped my way toward the stable. Upon my entrance Mr Meany and his mom were standing next to the horse, apparently already finished with the crisis that needed to be handled, they turned to look at me with inquisitive eyes. Both looked back at each other and then burst into extreme laughter. Apparently I was a sight to see. I thought they were laughing at the situation, but no, they were laughing at me. When I finally make it over to him, he spins me around and busts into more laughter. I was COVERED in hay. Someone doesn't like to sweep the porch to the "man cave" often...because it's the "man cave", so when he tracks over the massive amounts of hay in front of the door, he doesn't really seem to care about it. He helped brushed me off, laughing to his mom about how he wished he had a camera at that exact moment in time. I, on the other hand, didn't find it that funny, but I was glad he was over the whole depression about his horse and could laugh again. Over tired and over worked, I plopped my butt down in a pile of hay to check my foot. My tow had bruised instantly. This I HAD to get a picture of. So I pretended to be mad at them and walked back to grab my phone and text everyone about my crazy interaction with the door frame.
At the same time, I thought I'd be a wonderful person and go inside and make the meany a sandwich, cause he hadn't eaten much of the dinner he had made, and because I'm a great person, right!? So I snuck away and pretended to own the place for a minute. Pretended I owned this gorgeous, lavish establishment, and that I was the head woman in the kitchen. Walked into the kitchen with confidence. It didn't last long though...once I realized I had NO IDEA where anything was. I pulled out the chicken he had put away earlier, tore the kitchen apart looking for a knife and all the condiments. Made one killer sandwich though! Then realized I had to clean up the mess I left. Called for a maid, but one didn't appear. Damn labor laws. Even grabbed him and his mom a water to sip on. How friggin' thoughtful am I!? Not really, just trying to show them my awesomeness. I walked back out, again, careful not to touch ANYTHING! I handed them their water, and he his sandwich, feeling pretty proud of myself I could tell I had a smug smile on my face. Well, he noticed it. Set the sandwich down, picked me up, carried me to the corner of the barn and threw me in an extremely large pile of hay. Who knew anyone on this earth could pick me up and carry me! let alone, throw me into a pile of gay. I ended up landing on my butt. Did you know that hay really hurts when you sit on it? Let along LAND ON IT!? I recall this from back in my ranching days, but I never knew it could feel like needles! At that point I gave up and just laid in the hay for the rest of the night. Yelling back and forth crazy antics, in which I always do, and to keep him from falling asleep. When I finally decided to climb out, I basically did a huge roll from the top to the bottom. Landing on the ground, so the bath I'd taken earlier was completely useless. The rest of the night was great, not to go into full long boring detail, but we ended up extremely exhausted, running back and forth taking the horse water, trying to get her to eat and not fall over when she'd stand up. Just one thing after another. Barely catching breaks here and there. I did wind up grabbing blankets and making a bed on the hay pile. Caught a few naps here and there. The next day was about as eventful, but nothing quite hysterical. At one point I nearly got ran over by a tractor and about trampled by Bessie the Cow. But all in all I lived to tell of my Ranch Adventure.
Someday, who knows, maybe I'll return to try it again. After all, that was ONE HOT COWBOY!
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