He demands

He demands my attention. I notice, when I look away; his voice grows louder.

She stands behind the mirror. For, if she's in front, it'll reflect the true ugliness of her soul.

I can't see between your lies, I can't hear under your smothering ways. The fire is but merely ash now.

Can you bring me to bed? Unleash and unrest my darling beast. Chant to me, the words you would as if in battle formation.

My claws are heavy. Can I rest them in your chest? Will you kick and scream as I rip your heart out?

Devour my flesh with your eyes. Whip me  with your starving tongue. My handsome, reckless master.

You inhabit me, to my core. the feeling of your unsettled soul turning over in my breast. I will not give in to you.

Do you enjoy the sound of your own laugh? Does it make your dick hard when someone else's pain is obvious? How do you live with yourself?

Grab me, choke me, slap me, spank me, molest me. You will still never know the real me.

The loss of a life that never even had a chance. Tears flow like rivers off her chin. Her body has failed him.

There is no way to open it again. The heart that remains so closed and off beat. No reason to reach out, no one to hold on.

He cannot fix her, he is beyond repair himself. To lend a hand would be suicide. She waits for his arm, with her rope, tied to weighted rocks.

You are not mine. I can hold nothing of you. Not close to my heart, I cannot be close to yours. You belong to her, I belong to no one.

Today I reached for you, when I awoke. The cold let's me know you were never even here.

He wants more of her thick, luscious body. She wants nothing but his breath on the insides of her thighs. At night they dream, lieing next to someone else.

His piercing blues stare deep into her washed out hazels. Fingers knotted in her hair. Fuck me again.

Do you...

Do you even realize how broken I am inside? How I've never gotten over the last tragic heart break? How I haven't even begun to heal?
Do you understand there is a massive, gaping hole in my chest, where my heart once was, who's void is unbelievably unfillable?
Do you even understand my craving to want...No NEED to hear those words you laughingly tell me?  ...but from a man who is serious? A man who is available? A man interested in helping put my pieces back together? ...who wants to help with my insecurities?
...and not just making me your own personal 4am joke, when you need a good laugh.

me..singing

Sara Barcus singing Tomorrow (amy winehouse)

https://www.dropbox.com/s/vjios1grucdyocx/Tomorrow.m4a

this is just a test. let me know if it works!! =)

soon enough.

i let you molest me. with you eyes. with your words. with your mouth.
if you're not ready for love, how could you be ready for life?
how could you not want to scream my taste from the rooftops?
but i let you continue on. with every breath. with every stroke. with every lie.
drowning in your touch, engulfed in your passion, your blue eyes so strong with...emptiness.
i walk tall. i run fast. i swing greatly.
i let you pour every ounce into my being. i let you lie to me, surround me, humiliate me.
soon enough...i would tell myself. soon enough i'll be rid of all this greed. all of this hate. all of this torture.
he'll understand my needs some day. give it to me for a minute or too. and then run the other way.
they all run.
(more like sprint)
i can't go on wasting time, energy, half assed love.
his tongue deep in my mouth, his body pinned up against mine. sweat beading on his lip.
teeth and fingernail marks.
you lied. you molested every idea that came out of my beautiful mind. every fiber of my being feels shaken loose and strewn about the room.
my heart will not collapse. i will not judge what is not in yours.
give me nothing. i have my own.

Pretend

If you look away, pretend I'm gone, would you miss my face someday?

When I shine the light the other way, can you say you even remember what I look like?

Broken lies and unkempt promises float through the air.

Don't shoot your rubber bullets this way, they may not bounce off.

Emotionally drained, laying on the living room floor, vividly remembering your feet walking out that door.

Pretending you were just heading out for ice cream.

Here I lie, await.

Days come, days go. Good and bad. You still have yet to return. 

At least you pretend well enough, to make me believe. 

I'll be ok, on hold.

Eula Mae.

I talked to you today. I reached out, and cried to you. I poured my soul out in a million words. I screamed. I joked. I smiled. I laughed. I cried. I told you everything you've missed out on over these last few years. I asked for your advice. You didn't respond. You said nothing. You just stared back at me. Beaming. I asked you where I go from here. Where do I find the courage and the strength to continue on. How do I handle everything you've missed. You used to always be there for me. You used to hold my hand. You'd answer my questions with your best advice and show me the positivity in the situation. I miss your smile. I miss your crazy ways. I miss watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune with you. I miss you with every fiber of my being. Tonight, when I talked to you, while you shined back at me from millions of miles away, I smiled. I remembered all those time you reassured me that my dad was coming back for me. I remembered all those times we scared you in the kitchen and you would almost really have a heart attack. I remember how you almost always burned dinner, because you had no sense of taste, or smell. I remember so many things about you that make me smile to myself. I'm sad that you're gone. I accept it. But grandma, the last time I saw you, I don't know if you really saw me. Did you really know it was even me? You stared at my blankly...like I was a stranger. You held my hand and you screamed, in what seemed was fear of me. Sometimes, I'll head out to the west side of town, park across from an empty 5 acre lots, and pretend the house is still there. It reminds me that my childhood was real. It reminds of the good times we all had, and I just can't seem to let any of it go. It feels like the only real thing that I had left in connection to that part of my life. To you. I'll talk to your tomorrow again. Hoping to get some kind of sign in return. Your spirit is still with me, after all of these years.