Dick Clark can suck it.

I must say, in order to keep you all entertained, and under my thumb, I must start posting more often. I've been yelled at by a few these days "SARA WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO POST AGAIN!?" "YOU'RE WRITING CRACKS ME UP!?" Well...how about now? This work good for you?

I intentionally leave y'all hanging...like a whore waiting for her next John to leave her 2 twenty dollar bills after he's had his fun. Oh...wait....did I just say whore? Oops, I meant me... But that a WHOLE different story for an entirely different day.

Scandals are scandals until the next huge dramatic event comes along. Tis the final day of this not so exciting year, and where am I? Home. Cooped up in my 800 and something square foot apartment, dreading the rest of the night ahead of me. I woke up at 0600. Practically on the dot, and well...I go to work in about 3 hours, so the realization of not getting my midnight kiss is slightly daunting. I know we all have those crazy fantasies about meeting some Prince Charming who will rescue you at exactly midnight. Spots you from across the room, realizes you don't have anyone on your arm and debonairly strides across the room, takes your face in their hands and plants the most passionate kiss on your lips. Let's face it. This is reality people. Shit like that doesn't happen to us normal woman.

This is the reality of a night out -

You're out at a bar (let's just 'randomly' use New Years Eve as an occasion...because you have to have an occasion to be out right...*cough*), midnight is approaching soon. We all know it's coming. We scan the room, casually...think ok, I've got a few hours to 1. Get drunk. 2. Find a cute guy and make some kind of good impression and 3. Look super hot doing it. So the hunt is on. Starts off with a a drink and your 2 best friends, whom most likely already have a husband, or date, so you're on your own in the looking department. You attempt to get one of them out on the dance floor - cause shaking your ass ALWAYS works when it comes down to attracting the opposite sex. No takers on the dancing. Then out of the blue (and it NEVER fails), one of your friends gets in a fight with their date. Some other chick looked at him from across the room, or some dude attempted to buy her a drink, whatever the case my be, we know it happens. World War III breaks out. She's cussing at him "You effing bastard, I can't believe you'd try and fuck that"...he's screaming back at her "You're just a jealous broad, get over it! It was nothing..." (now that I'm typing this all out I"m realizing this happens on more than one occasion...am I the only one disturbed by this?)... You have to remove both of them from their corners, take a while to calm them both down. Throw some cold water on the two drunken messes. Then, by the time you realize it, it's almost midnight. That's when the panic starts to set in. You still didn't have time to strut yourself enough to find a cutie to suck face with when that clock strikes Midnight. Your eyes dart around the room...too skinny...too creepy...too old...too fat...too all wrong....then you spot him. Attempt to make your way over, get lost in the crowd, turn and he's either gone, or that's when his girlfriend walks up. Strike one. You look around again. Bartender is kinda cute, but working....you notice an okay fellow, then attempt to play the "he could work" game, in your mind. Before you finally talk yourself into it, he's already talking to another girl. Strike 2. So you decide to just give up. Walk back over to your group. Complain about not having someone, so you resolve to just give up the opposite sex as your New Years resolution. What do we need them for. They're just drama...blah blah blah....drunken arguing going on inside your own head. Then your girl friend says "Don't worry, babe, at midnight you've got me!" Then...because you're intoxicated, you actually start to contemplate this idea...THIS COULD WORK! All I want is a New Years kiss. Doesn't matter who with...besides, she's a good friend...what could it hurt. So you check her out a little. Oooo...soft lips, that'll do, she's got a great smile, she is looking pretty hot in that dress...I could do this. This is really gonna happen. You're boostin' your own ego....

The count down begins

10....9....I'm gonna do this!...8....7....wow, she's actually kinda cute!...6...5...4...fuck yes! i'm gonna do this!...3...2............she turns to you, smiles, you think she's gonna go for it...and then she turns her head WAIT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!? I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING THIS!?.....1......HAPPY NEW YEAR! She goes in for the kiss for her man. In fact, the ENTIRE place is kissing someone. Except you. Ahhh crap. Feels almost awkward that you're standing there alone. You're waiting for everyone to finish. The elephant getting extremely massive in the room. Silence. You standing there...alone. She finishes, turns and gives you a hug to make you not feel left out. You put on your fake happy, smiley face, kicking yourself in your own head because you really had yourself convinced this was going to be a new thing for a new year. You had yourself pretty much set on this lesbian experience to ring in the new year. That's when you realize...you're just drunk stupid! HELLO!?

Midnight is over, go home, kick your heels off, grab a turkey sandwich and plop your ass in front of the couch to watch the footage of everyone else's miraculous time. Whoop-tie doo...a new year. It'll be the same as last year. Can't wait!

Schizophrenia, approaching fast....

I can't sleep. I haven't slept in days. I'm saying insomnia. Does that make me a hypochondriac? Is this head cold really a cold? Or is it some plague that is bound to kill me. Drop me, dead as a corpse like back in the early 1900's, when there weren't many antibiotics to go around, and crazy illnesses, like the Spanish Influenza or something? It's just me being over dramatic. Story of my life, right?

Back to the not sleeping thing. Every time I lay down to rest my eyes, one of my crazy neighbors is making an extreme racket, making it impossible to even concentrate on not concentrating on anything, to clear my mind and drift off into something other describe, or ridiculously call dreamland. I've taken it into account that I'm a day sleeper. That's why, from now on, on my nights off, I will blast my music, while singing at the top of my lungs, watch movies with the volume on 50+, have extremely loud and obnoxiously personal telephone conversations right next to the paper thin wall in the bedroom, and have extremely wild, animal noise sex. Just for revenge. I believe they do all of these things just to rub it in my face...that I'm here alone. They all know it. They all give me that "poor girl" look every time I pass them while walking to my car, or to take the trash out.

A neighbor stopped me the other day on my way out to the dumpster. "Girls don't take out trash." Thanks. Are you saying because I have short hair I should just automatically change my name to Shane or Shawn and start taking hormone supplements, only to one day have my necessary sex change, so my brothers and sisters can start calling me their bro-ster? I just laughed. My head was filled with ass-hole comments, none of them appropriate to really say to a neighbor, whom I have only said a quick hello to in passing. I bet he doesn't even take out his own trash, leaves it for his woman to handle, or if he does, I bet she has to bag it and put it by the door so he'll even remember. In response to my tense laughter he replies "Well, maybe you need to find you one of those then." Then gave me the "poor girl" look again. I bet I'm the talk of the building. The weird, tattooed, stays up all night - so she can sleep all day, quiet as a mouse, takes the only available open parking spot because her parking stall is a thousand miles from her front door, alone, crazy cat lady who takes out her own trash...heaven forbid. Not that I have cats or anything, but I'm sure they think I do.

My neighbors directly across from my front door own 2 cats that look EXACTLY alike. Their living room window faces my door, so whenever I leave my apartment, for any reason, there they area, the 2 over confident felines. Perched and waiting to pounce, which, I'm sure they would do, except there's a few panes of glass between them and I, other wise I'd be yesterdays tuna to them. They sit there, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, almost like statues. If their eyes didn't follow me and I walked down the side walk, I'd believe them to be actual statues. I think they're in on the scam, and also plotting my demise. Their big beady eyes, sharp claws, scratchy tongues, and alter egos. One of these days I'm going to wind up missing. When I do...point fingers in that direction. Ask questions later. Euthanasia.  Hey, it happens. Don't be scared to talk about it. Circle of life bullshit.

Above me, the "woman" of the household, which I have never seen - only heard, prefers to do everything in heels. Vacuuming, yoga, dishes, pick her noise, cleaning the toilet, P90-X, laundry....you name it. No need to call her and ask you what she's doing, just come hang out with me for 5 minutes, I'm sure we can figure it out, or at least make up some good stories! Neighbor across the kitchen wall, let's just say he's the meanest gay man I've even met. Nuff said...with his white BMW. He needs to go back to drivers education and re-learn how to park...I'm just saying. The man on the other side of the bedroom wall...I have only seen once. I'm not sure what he does, or where he goes, but he's gone A LOT! I say he's a secret agent, and a contracted killer. He seems the type. Good man by day, killing off the scum bags of society by night. Knows how to cut you a thousand ways before you even know you've bled to death. Super secretive agent man. He probably does that whole "push a button on the toaster" thing in the the morning while drinking his coffee, and ten different assault weapons pop out. He chooses the paper clip to suffocate you with, because it's his specialty and he's just THAT good. I saw him look at me like he was picturing all the ways he could off me. I'm not crazy.

Ok, maybe a little crazy...next thing you know I'm going to be talking about the one time that I was abducted by aliens and got anal probed. And the true story about the cold war, the real Bermuda Triangle, what actually does happen at Area 51 and my outlook on why tin foil hats are the only way to keep the government out of our private thoughts....

Words to share...

"The Prediction" ...by K' la

So here it is, flat out and simple…which do you trust your heart or your head? See your heart will lead you where you want to be, but your head will lead you where you ought to be. But which will lead you where you’re meant to be? See I followed my heart and it led me where I am, but my head is continuously telling me that I’m not where I should be, by reminding me of the pain I go through just being where I am.

But I ask myself, what if this is meant? Although it’s hard, although it hurts, although it feels at times that it may not be fair, what if this is truly meant? What if I wait this out, stick with it through all the pain and hard work and it all pays off? What if I can change his life and in return he changes mine?

But then again, what if I wait this out, stick with it through all the pain and hard work and it falls to pieces? Should I care more about me, or about him? Who should I love more? Am I willing to hurt him now and save myself later, or put myself on the line and save him?

In the end I guess it all comes down to what kind of person you are. Am I a thinker, or am I a feeler? Do I plan ahead or do I follow my whims? Do I use logic or do I use compassion? Do I give condemnations or chances, or even more. Which does he make me want to be?

Unfortunate Mini Catastorphy...part 1

I can't seem to justify as to why I have waited so long to share any of the latest adventures.  My only, actual legit excuse would be...well.........there really haven't been any. Well, that I have actually deemed, share-able. But this one seems to be my luck, so I shall share...

Last Saturday I was running a little off schedule for my normal "Monday". I was actually early, that never happens, I'm normally always just right on time. So I made a quick stop at Subway on my way in to "the dungeon" to begin my never ending 12 hour scheduled shift. I leave for work when it is dark, and I return from work, when it's dark. I think if I start growing fangs and drinking blood, I wouldn't think it strange at all. Just normal for vampires, like myself. These days I'm not sure what the sun really looks like. I hate it. After ordering my "blood" sandwich, I get back on the road, to continue my entire 5 minutes commute to work, rough but hey, someone's gotta do it. I took the freeway. Had my radio blasting, as usual, as I belted out whatever ridiculous song I had playing on my phone. I pull off and come to a stop, behind the car in front of me. After they finally decided to execute their turn onto Olive Avenue, I pull out a little further to see into the horrible intersection to check if it was clear to punch the gas and go (cause that's what you've gotta do to get onto that street at 6pm). I went to hit that gas and all of a sudden my car starts dinging at me and flashing red lights. WARNING! "Oh shit" is all I could think out loud to myself. Thinking I needed to get out of the middle of the road, I punch the gas, but my Mini doesn't go fast at all, more like slowly acceleration to a mere 10 mph. Great. So I cruise the rest of the way into the office parking lot. Gas peddle to the floor. I manage to make it to the back of the lot and shut it off. New car dies? Just my luck.

I grab my stuff out of the car and head in to the windowless office to begin my wonderful day, fake smile and all. Eventually, I walk out and call "Mini Roadside Assistance". The girl I get on the other line sounds a little too over ecstatic about hating her job. Kelly was her name. Kelly the sourpuss. She takes my information, making sure to go as slow as possible, making this whole experience as wonderful for me and it is for her. Name, phone number, address, VIN number, name of first born, social security number, safe deposit box locations and numbers, blood type, all my family members maiden and married names, hell I think she even asked for my Savemart Rewards Card number before we finally got to "Now, what's wrong with the vehicle". I explain the unfortunate even as best I could then read her off what the car was saying back to me "Vehicle operating at minimal power". She repeats it back to me. I tell her the vehicle will only go 10 -15 mph. Then she asked what color the light was on the dash. It was a yellow motor, with a circle around it and a SLASH through it. Couldn't be good right? To your average Joe that would mean "HELLO STUPID THERE IS SOMETHING UP WITH THE MOTOR!" After I tell her the "color" of it, yellow apparently isn't the magic color...she tells me that I need to drive my vehicle to the nearest Mini Service Station (or whatever they call it). I couldn't help but giggle out loud. "Umm...Kelly, I live in Fresno. The nearest Mini is over 100 miles away." She says "Ok Miss Barcus, that's fine, just bring it in when you have a chance, I can set up an appointment for you, if you would like". Being that I couldn't miss the opportunity of being a smart ass, I reply "Ok, sure, go ahead and schedule that appointment. Make it for sometime next week. Do you think that will be enough time? How long do you think it will take me to drive from Fresno to Pleasanton at 10 mph? Being that I'd have to figure out which side roads I'd need to take, I really don't think my officers would appreciate me driving that slow on their freeways all the way down there, I might cause some sort of fatal accident..." That's when I think someone hit the switch for her light bulb, "Oh! Ma'am, hold on, let me ask a manager real fast." I was about to ask if she was calling the monkey at NASA, but bit my tongue. She comes back on the line and says, "Oh, don't worry, we'll have your vehicle towed, we couldn't have you cause an accident". I couldn't hold back the laughter, I had to move the phone away from me for a second. She sets up the tow truck for morning and I went back to deal with the wonderful public for the rest of my evening.

Morning starts to arrive. Tow truck is scheduled to arrive at 0600 (that's 6am for you non-military time people). They were scheduled to call me at around 0530 (again....5:30am....I hope you're catching on here)...to confirm that I still needed the tow truck and what not. At 0400 I get a weird number calling my cell phone. I was working the radio and not really paying any attention to the phone call, and it went to voicemail, where there was no message left. About 5 minutes later one of my coworkers gets a call, and keeps saying "hold on, let me transfer her to you and she can tell you....no, I don't know, she's right here....hold on.....you need to speak with her about that....". Apparently when I told the roadside assistance that my vehicle was at the highway patrol office in Fresno, they were smart enough to Google the phone number. Makes me a little proud....until the next thing transpired. She finally convinces them to let her transfer them to the phone I'm sitting at. I answer, and at the same time I have a unit requesting my attention on the radio, so I ask Little Miss Sunshine to please hold. I talk to the unit, finish up with what he needed, and go right back to Fun Kelly. She's talking to someone saying "I don't understand what you're saying"...apparently "hold on"....wasn't in her vocabulary. I told her I was speaking with one of my officers and I think that's again, when the light bulb went on. She confirmed the time I needed the tow truck to arrive. Then asked me "Will there be any fees for the impound, or have those already been taken care of?" I guess, this time it was me to play the role of dumb ass, cause I didn't understand what she was talking about. I asked her "For what impound? It's being towed...." Then she doesn't change the wording of her question at all, asks the same question. Still...it's making no sense to me, so again, I repeat myself. She responds "The vehicle is at the Highway Patrol office, are you going to owe them fees for impounding the vehicle, or have you taken care of that already?" That's when it clicked in my head, and again I laughed. I had previously told her the vehicle was at my place of business, apparently she wasn't listening. I finally explained to here there wasn't an impound. My car broke down at my work. This is my work. I had to be very caveman-ish at that point. I couldn't wait for this to be over. She again, had a stroke of genius and said the tow would be there at 0600.

My shift ended. I walked out to meet my ride in the parking lot. We waited...and waited....then a regular tow truck arrives...at 0650. A little late. We were waiting in my coworkers car, not ready to freeze our tooshies off in the cold. He pulls into the front parking lot and we pull out ahead of him, and wave for him to follow us. Well, apparently he didn't understand what the waving arm gestures meant. So he gets out of his truck and asks one of the officers that was standing in front of the building. We told him the truck was here for us, so he just points to us. Another light bulb. We pull behind the gate and swing around for Mr Genius to hook up my car and go. We get out, wait a minute or two for him, then he finally comes over to get the keys to the car. He was an Indian man, again dot, not a feather, with unique features...and by unique I don't mean handsome....in any regard. He looked as thought someone had socked him in the face and his face just kind of, unfortunately, stayed that way. Kinda smashed, kind of half asleep...that was the look he gave the entire time he was there. I was a little worried, when he didn't arrive with a flat bed tow truck, but figured he knew what he was doing....so he hooked the car and took off to Pleasanton. I stayed up for a few hours, to call and verify that the Lady Bug (my cars nickname) made it down there without a hitch. It did. Unfortunately, the girl I spoke with at Mini, wasn't sure what the color red was, or so it seemed by her lack of intelligence over the phone, but we verified that she made it there in one piece, and the tow truck driver hadn't fallen asleep at any time during the transport.

Smells like dirty laundry...

This evening I joined some good friends (whom I haven't seen in probably almost a year) in casual conversations, good laughs and delicious dinner. It felt great to sit and chit chat about this and that, where we our in lives these days, what we've missed, and where we're going. I ended up having a few beers, and I tend to turn into a "Chatty Cathy" when I'm under the influence...well that is, if I'm not out with the girls, in a bar some place, requiring the DJ to play a fast paced song, while I shake the booty my mama gave me like there is NO tomorrow. Knowing that,  yes, these friends can be very opinionated (at times), I tend to respect their opinions and know that I can trust them to see both sides of the story. In a way, we see kind of eye to eye on a lot of things, we've all lost parts of our "filters".

...to elaborate...

I've sorta given up on letting the world run me and my opinions. What's wrong with being your own person? What's wrong with having your own outlook on things? Can we all not just respect that someone sees the world a little differently than someone else? My outlook is pretty fucking twisted, most times, and a lot of things really don't phase me. Except when you question my character, and what I stand for. 

I was recently challenged by an acquaintance, who was once a friend, but since been demoted. She challenged my character by stating (in almost exact words) ...  "Sara, you have a lot of growing up to do...you've never been a mother, you don't know what it's like to have to raise a child. You don't know what real life is until you have your own children. You're selfish". What I don't understand is how having children qualifies you into being "grown up" or not. We all go through different things, and like they say, you're childhood defines who you become as an adult. Who's to say that what I dealt with in my younger years didn't help me come to the conclusion, that at this stage in my life, I don't need to bring children into an unstable environment. After seeing, dealing and now understanding what I went through as an adolescent, there's no way I would start a family right now. What happened to me is something for a totally different blog, on a totally different day, but can she (my challenger) really say that I am not a grown up. Because she has two children that makes her what? The friggin' Dalai Lama?

I've learned over my short 25 years that all this life is becoming, is one HUGE competition with everyone else. Who can make more money, who can struggle the hardest, who has had a worse life, who can pretend to be the happiest, the longest. I've grown tired of competing. I'd rather open my heart, say how I feel, be happy, live for me, accept the unfamiliar, do the unexpected, change my own outlook on life. So what if I piss someone off over something I feel strongly about? What gives them the right to put me down in the first place? Nothing. I don't ask for much from people, really, just friendship. I've learned you can't buy a husband...well, ok you CAN but how long did that last me?...you can't buy a friend, you can't coax someone into thinking you're someone that you aren't (they're going to learn the real you, eventually). So I'm giving up pleasing EVERYONE. Life is too short to be swarmed by killer bees, besides...I'm probably allergic to them anyway.

So, being that I haven't "grown up" enough for the rest of the world, I'm going to just challenge myself...no, I'm not going to go out and have a baby by some random stranger to compete...but I'm going to start grabbing life by the balls (technical term). Enjoy the time that I have here. Not let miserable people bring me down. I'm going to reevaluate my "selfishness" and demand excitement. I'll show you. Adventures of Radio may have begun a week, or so, ago now, but tonight I realized I've gotta keep this up! See everything I can until I meet the one person who makes me want either share it with them, or drop it all for them and settle down. BRING IT ON WORLD, I'M READY TO LIVE!



"I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe."      ----Dalai Lama

Don't let the bitches get you down.

Even if you had it all could you really know what it would mean to be happy? Practically vs want...want wins every time. Desire to have that one thing you know you will never aquire drives you insane.

Today as I sat at the airport, awaiting my solo adventure home,  I sat next to a man who struck up a conversation with me about his ever so lame love life. Who does that!? talks to a random stranger about his bad luck in the dating world? He told me about his "girlfriend". This girlfriend apparently is a "busy woman"...so he kept saying. Never has time to spend much time together, never has time to just sit and relax, she's always traveling, always working, always here, always there, doing this...doing that. With every word he told me, I began to form an opinion of this woman, whom I have obviously never met. My conclusion is - she's a snobby bitch who's OBVIOUSLY cheating on him. Halfway through the conversation he pulls out a picture to show me this ever so "beautiful" woman, to show me how amazingly "gorgeous" she is. Honestly? All I saw was a fake smile, fake tits and a size 00 waist. Nothing special. You're typical Barbie Doll.

Being we're strangers, I voiced my opinion truthfully. I didn't care what this dude thought of me, he needs to hear the truth from someone. I told him to get out. Run as fast as he could. Quit trying so hard. He was with a group of friends, and all they had to say about her was how "hot" she is. It's obvious she doesn't give a crap, otherwise she would make time, right? If she wanted him to be there, she'd ask him to be there. There is no point in him sitting around, waiting for her head to fall into his lap (yeah i friggin' said it), so why waste precious time? Maybe I over stepped my boundaries a little with that one...but how else do you get a point across to a male without just being straight and blunt? Whatever. He gave me a nodding, approving smile, shook my hand, said "It was really nice to meet you Sara. You seem like an amazing woman with her head on straight. You'll make a man happy some day." I never told him I was single. Is it written on my face? Apparently. Then his flight was called and off they went to their gate. He turned, waved and winked before boarding his plane. I don't even remember his name.

I wonder what he'll do...

I would really like to know the outcome of that one. Oh well. I can predict he'll stay with her. He seemed pretty well off in the financial department, so I'm sure when she gets tired of running around behind his back, she'll settle down, unwillingly. Spend all his money. Pretend she is happy, until someone new comes along. Then she'll leave him. Play the nice guy until his money runs dry or he just doesn't do it for her anymore. Divorce him. Make him pay an extreme amount of alimony. Then forget he ever existed. What did he do to deserve that? He fell for the fake bimbo who knows exactly what she's doing. Blinded by her beauty. And he allowed it. Oh well. His loss. Should'a seem it comin'.

There's a party at the bar, and the drunk girl came

The last few days have been nothing less than what I expected of Vegas. Leaving me utterly exhausted, I don't feel like I really did much....

I left you last...not exactly sure where...oh yeah! The "proposal" from the couple on the corner...irony? Or just my luck? Bah! Picking up where I left off. I spent the rest of that afternoon sitting at random places in the hotel. By choice, of course. I attempted walking around, but my injury from the ass hole in the hall way on the previous night, left my foot almost unbearable to walk on. So I sat at Starbucks, next to two Chinese females who had a very interesting conversation...about what? I'm not quite sure because I'm not fluent in any other language but English, but they made it sound quite interesting with all the "oohs", "aahhhhs" and laughing.

When I got tired of being that weird girl, sitting at Starbucks, I decided it was time for a drink. A REAL drink. So...I went on a mission to find a fun looking bar. I made it to the other end of the the hotel, to a "bar" shaped in a circle-ish with cool music and awesome lights. Sat myself right down and ordered my usual Vegas drink...cranberry and vodka. After being there about fifteen minutes, pretending to watch the World Series of Poker on the television above my head, all of the sudden the lights dimmed, the music got really loud and the entire staff jumped on the bar and a dance fest ensued. A female sitting across the way from me ended up getting a bar tender dancing right in front of her. I couldn't tell if she had already had a few too many, or if she was just really enjoying herself, but she started pulling out dollar bills and shouting as he pelvic thrusted the air in front of  her and sang along to "Shots, Shots, Shots". He seemed a little uncomfortable, because if she had been paying attention to him AT ALL she would have realized when she first sat down, she clearly wasn't his type. She had boobs. He was a bit gay. She ended up almost falling out of her chair with excitement. When the dance was over, so was he with her, and quit serving her...I really don't blame him.

From then on it was all a blur. I had one too many. Didn't talk to another soul until it was time for drunken me to attempt to find a bathroom before my bladder exploded in such a public place, making things extremely awkward. I began my descent back to my room. I never made it. No, no, no...I didn't pee my pants either...I promise. I made it about halfway through the casino when the wedding party FINALLY arrived! So we checked them in and I made it all the way up to their room. I think I should get a medal for longest drunken pee holding with no accidents. It was a risk. But I managed! We got the happy couple checked in, had some dinner, gambled a little (I actually ended up winning about $60! yay me!), and then retired early to rest up for the large events that were taking place the next day.

The next day went by in a massive blur. Woke up late, went to breakfast, which was horrible. Got ready, got walked in on by the maid...again...but this time i wasn't naked laying in bed (good thing the first time I was under the covers), got kicked out by the maid a half hour later. Lost another $20 to the slots. Got the bride dressed and ready, we almost late for the limo pick up. Made it to the venue. Clap, ooh, ahhh, yays, congratulations, " I now pronounce you husband and wife", more claps, back in the limo. Back to the MGM. Dinner buffet. Then bed. It seemed like so much more than just that. By the time the "back to the room" party came I felt like I had ran a marathon. All in all, it was beautiful. Congratulations Holly and Jake. May you live a long, wonderful life together!

How does this awkward moment keep happening to me...?

After forcing myself out of bed early this afternoon (yes, that's right...I said this afternoon), I decided to brave the likes of the rest of the world. So...I went for a stroll. I strolled through the shops downstairs, watched the lion feeding, then attempted to find a cheap place to buy a pair of pants....since, apparently, I absent mindedly left them in the dryer, back at my apartment...IN FRESNO! So I went to hail a cab..then I learned there are no cheap places to buy pants close to the strip and it was going to cost me about $60 in just cab fair. So, accepting my defeat I gave up and decided it was time to eat.

So I walked over to Hooters...my home away from home around these parts. WINGS BABY! Along the way I ran into a nice couple, who I just happened to meet on the corner while waiting for the "walk" sign to go green. We chatted for a few minutes while we waited...really about nothing on particular, began walking again...I turned to walk up the sidewalk, to the hotel, when the husband (presumably) asked me if I had any plans for this evening. Not sure where he was going with this I responded "tentatively...depending on my group". His response? "well my lady and I are looking to have a good time while we are here...if you know what of mean..." Then he winks. I practically choked on my laughter. I think he understood my gesture of rejection to his proposal of me being the cream in their oreo.

Let's see how many more times that will happen this week....

Let there be Blog...

...and there was.

Alone...in a Las Vegas hotel, at an extremely ridiculous early hour, I was given the idea of starting a blog to entertain my not so many facebook followers...so here I am...pretending to know what I'm doing and how to even start this.

My adventures begin now. Alone...again....in Vegas. Who goes to Vegas alone you ask? A recently separated, young female, who would rather travel and stay here, alone, than let her best friend from high school take the eternal plunge into the worst decision of her young adult life without me by her side...well, worst decision so far, by getting married. The lucky man?  her "high school sweetheart". Not saying she's chosen the wrong man for the job or anything, cause I'm not...but everyone has to live through it in order to understand exactly what I'm talking about here.

So here I am. I've retreated back to my safe and secure king size bed, in my overly priced hotel "suite", after being defeated a few times already since I've been here. Attempting to relax, when I arrived yesterday evening, I walked down to the food court, ordered me a nice yummy slice of pizza and a beer, plopped my butt in a large booth, kicked my feet up, and began to people watch to pass some time. There was a group of about 10 young females sitting to my right, chit chatting at an overly exaggerated high pitch volume about a boy named Johny and his ridiculous decision to go to Penn State. Blah! the table in front of me occupied by two older hispanic ladies discussing the weather and why some unnamed female would even think twice about sleeping with "what's his face". To my left? Extreme awkwardness.

Minding my own business, and having scanned the booths around me prior to sitting down, I noticed an older, maybe Indian (with a dot...not a feather) watching me sit and unattractively shove the greasy pizza in my pie hole. After a few minutes he gets up, walks around, stops at the front of my table and mumble something inaudible to me. Being unable to hear his attempt at casual banter...due to my extreme efforts of not only trying to avoid him, but overly disgusting attempt at chewing my extremely greasy slice of cheesy pizza dough...I politely wiped my mouth and said "huh"?  His response was more inaudible words of mumble. At this point the awkwardness began to set in...with my multiple attempts at understand this gibberish and his multiple attempts at god knows what...I looked down and pretended my phone was ringing. Grabbed my bag and pretty much ran to the other side of the food court. Stood in line, got some ice cream, then ended up back in my room, extremely exhausted after having been awake for 30+ hours.

Woke up extremely hungry this morning...after sacrificing about half my slice if pizza to Mush Mouth last night...so I ordered room service. Never paid so much for a cheeseburger, but damn it was worth it. Not worth the treck I made, down the hall, to gery a soda to wash it all down with. Half way to the vending machines I was pummeled by an older gentleman on a mission to break my foot (which I can say, he might have actually succeeded by the pain I'm in at the moment).

but now...I am back, in the room,  curled up under this amazing down comforter, a.c. cranked down to below antarctic degrees, hiding from the world. All are welcome to join...