I can't seem to justify as to why I have waited so long to share any of the latest adventures. My only, actual legit excuse would be...well.........there really haven't been any. Well, that I have actually deemed, share-able. But this one seems to be my luck, so I shall share...
Last Saturday I was running a little off schedule for my normal "Monday". I was actually early, that never happens, I'm normally always just right on time. So I made a quick stop at Subway on my way in to "the dungeon" to begin my never ending 12 hour scheduled shift. I leave for work when it is dark, and I return from work, when it's dark. I think if I start growing fangs and drinking blood, I wouldn't think it strange at all. Just normal for vampires, like myself. These days I'm not sure what the sun really looks like. I hate it. After ordering my "blood" sandwich, I get back on the road, to continue my entire 5 minutes commute to work, rough but hey, someone's gotta do it. I took the freeway. Had my radio blasting, as usual, as I belted out whatever ridiculous song I had playing on my phone. I pull off and come to a stop, behind the car in front of me. After they finally decided to execute their turn onto Olive Avenue, I pull out a little further to see into the horrible intersection to check if it was clear to punch the gas and go (cause that's what you've gotta do to get onto that street at 6pm). I went to hit that gas and all of a sudden my car starts dinging at me and flashing red lights. WARNING! "Oh shit" is all I could think out loud to myself. Thinking I needed to get out of the middle of the road, I punch the gas, but my Mini doesn't go fast at all, more like slowly acceleration to a mere 10 mph. Great. So I cruise the rest of the way into the office parking lot. Gas peddle to the floor. I manage to make it to the back of the lot and shut it off. New car dies? Just my luck.
I grab my stuff out of the car and head in to the windowless office to begin my wonderful day, fake smile and all. Eventually, I walk out and call "Mini Roadside Assistance". The girl I get on the other line sounds a little too over ecstatic about hating her job. Kelly was her name. Kelly the sourpuss. She takes my information, making sure to go as slow as possible, making this whole experience as wonderful for me and it is for her. Name, phone number, address, VIN number, name of first born, social security number, safe deposit box locations and numbers, blood type, all my family members maiden and married names, hell I think she even asked for my Savemart Rewards Card number before we finally got to "Now, what's wrong with the vehicle". I explain the unfortunate even as best I could then read her off what the car was saying back to me "Vehicle operating at minimal power". She repeats it back to me. I tell her the vehicle will only go 10 -15 mph. Then she asked what color the light was on the dash. It was a yellow motor, with a circle around it and a SLASH through it. Couldn't be good right? To your average Joe that would mean "HELLO STUPID THERE IS SOMETHING UP WITH THE MOTOR!" After I tell her the "color" of it, yellow apparently isn't the magic color...she tells me that I need to drive my vehicle to the nearest Mini Service Station (or whatever they call it). I couldn't help but giggle out loud. "Umm...Kelly, I live in Fresno. The nearest Mini is over 100 miles away." She says "Ok Miss Barcus, that's fine, just bring it in when you have a chance, I can set up an appointment for you, if you would like". Being that I couldn't miss the opportunity of being a smart ass, I reply "Ok, sure, go ahead and schedule that appointment. Make it for sometime next week. Do you think that will be enough time? How long do you think it will take me to drive from Fresno to Pleasanton at 10 mph? Being that I'd have to figure out which side roads I'd need to take, I really don't think my officers would appreciate me driving that slow on their freeways all the way down there, I might cause some sort of fatal accident..." That's when I think someone hit the switch for her light bulb, "Oh! Ma'am, hold on, let me ask a manager real fast." I was about to ask if she was calling the monkey at NASA, but bit my tongue. She comes back on the line and says, "Oh, don't worry, we'll have your vehicle towed, we couldn't have you cause an accident". I couldn't hold back the laughter, I had to move the phone away from me for a second. She sets up the tow truck for morning and I went back to deal with the wonderful public for the rest of my evening.
Morning starts to arrive. Tow truck is scheduled to arrive at 0600 (that's 6am for you non-military time people). They were scheduled to call me at around 0530 (again....5:30am....I hope you're catching on here)...to confirm that I still needed the tow truck and what not. At 0400 I get a weird number calling my cell phone. I was working the radio and not really paying any attention to the phone call, and it went to voicemail, where there was no message left. About 5 minutes later one of my coworkers gets a call, and keeps saying "hold on, let me transfer her to you and she can tell you....no, I don't know, she's right here....hold on.....you need to speak with her about that....". Apparently when I told the roadside assistance that my vehicle was at the highway patrol office in Fresno, they were smart enough to Google the phone number. Makes me a little proud....until the next thing transpired. She finally convinces them to let her transfer them to the phone I'm sitting at. I answer, and at the same time I have a unit requesting my attention on the radio, so I ask Little Miss Sunshine to please hold. I talk to the unit, finish up with what he needed, and go right back to Fun Kelly. She's talking to someone saying "I don't understand what you're saying"...apparently "hold on"....wasn't in her vocabulary. I told her I was speaking with one of my officers and I think that's again, when the light bulb went on. She confirmed the time I needed the tow truck to arrive. Then asked me "Will there be any fees for the impound, or have those already been taken care of?" I guess, this time it was me to play the role of dumb ass, cause I didn't understand what she was talking about. I asked her "For what impound? It's being towed...." Then she doesn't change the wording of her question at all, asks the same question. Still...it's making no sense to me, so again, I repeat myself. She responds "The vehicle is at the Highway Patrol office, are you going to owe them fees for impounding the vehicle, or have you taken care of that already?" That's when it clicked in my head, and again I laughed. I had previously told her the vehicle was at my place of business, apparently she wasn't listening. I finally explained to here there wasn't an impound. My car broke down at my work. This is my work. I had to be very caveman-ish at that point. I couldn't wait for this to be over. She again, had a stroke of genius and said the tow would be there at 0600.
My shift ended. I walked out to meet my ride in the parking lot. We waited...and waited....then a regular tow truck arrives...at 0650. A little late. We were waiting in my coworkers car, not ready to freeze our tooshies off in the cold. He pulls into the front parking lot and we pull out ahead of him, and wave for him to follow us. Well, apparently he didn't understand what the waving arm gestures meant. So he gets out of his truck and asks one of the officers that was standing in front of the building. We told him the truck was here for us, so he just points to us. Another light bulb. We pull behind the gate and swing around for Mr Genius to hook up my car and go. We get out, wait a minute or two for him, then he finally comes over to get the keys to the car. He was an Indian man, again dot, not a feather, with unique features...and by unique I don't mean handsome....in any regard. He looked as thought someone had socked him in the face and his face just kind of, unfortunately, stayed that way. Kinda smashed, kind of half asleep...that was the look he gave the entire time he was there. I was a little worried, when he didn't arrive with a flat bed tow truck, but figured he knew what he was doing....so he hooked the car and took off to Pleasanton. I stayed up for a few hours, to call and verify that the Lady Bug (my cars nickname) made it down there without a hitch. It did. Unfortunately, the girl I spoke with at Mini, wasn't sure what the color red was, or so it seemed by her lack of intelligence over the phone, but we verified that she made it there in one piece, and the tow truck driver hadn't fallen asleep at any time during the transport.
