part 2. still, don't fit in, but still the best night of my life.

...continued...

After the lesson, he dropped me back off at my apartment. Not in such a great mood. He was really stressed out about the horse. I mean, REALLY stressed out. I'd never seen a man so distraught over an animal. I almost felt back. I felt my anger kind of turning into pitty. So he began to talk. In comes the part about me being a good friend, and listener. He then left, back on his way to Visalia to save the horse. I don't even think he made it out of Fresno County before he turned back. He showed up back and my door and said he was stealing me so he would have someone else there to help, if need be. I think he really just wanted me there for comic relief, because I do random, dumb things, and injure myself. At this point, it's early evening, and I'm already in my pajamas. He didn't give me the option to change. Nor the opportunity. My pajamas consisted of a short pair of shorts and baggy t shirt that day. So off we went. I was kind of glad that he came back too, cause I had left my guitar in his truck and would have ended up having to go get it at some point...saved myself the gas, and mileage, that way.

We get back and I spend a few hours with Sandy, she was looking worse. Wouldn't stand up, so I laid with her. Brushed her and and petted her. Got her to eat a few carrots while Stinky Face fed the other horses and animals, threw around some hay, and broke upon a bunch of bails to make her comfy. I felt so bad for this horse, nothing brought her comfort. He called the vet, and set up for him to come out at some point because he didn't think she was going to make it. She was extremely dehydrated, only drinking a little here and there and panting like crazy. Hello labor pains and old age! Apparently we were on shifts, cause I one point I was told it was my break time and dinner was ready inside.

{Going back in time, slightly...before I had agreed to return to Visalia with him, I had told him he had to make me dinner, and his response to that was "candle lit". He's as sarcastic as I am, so I assumed he was full of shit.}

We both went back to his living quarters and washed up a little. Then went back into the house, where I stumbled my way to the kitchen, again, attempting not to break anything in the process. The kitchen was dark except for a little light that was coming from the kitchen table. A small candle was lit, I believe it to be a half broken candle somehow manipulated to stand up. He had placed two plates across from each other, neatly plated, he made chicken (fool is a health nut and doesn't eat anything that is red or not organic...psh whatever!), brown rice and some crazy looking salad. All portioned exact and perfect. HOW CAN HE DO EVERYTHING SO DAMN PERFECT! damn man. I didn't realize how starving I was. I pretty much inhaled mine. All he did was push his around on his plate. At one point the candle started to fall, so he pulled out his I Phone and switched on his lighter app, he said it still counted as candle lit. Makes me laugh to think about it now. When I was done, he sent me out to check on the horse again while he did dishes and put things away. I walked out to the stable to meet his mom. She was on shift now. I actually helped move some hay around (watch out country girl!) and get a tranquilizer ready for "just in case", almost stabbing myself with it twice. A brush with death only I could encounter! After a few minutes I decided I needed to take off the million sizes too big boots and let me feet rest, so I mozied my way back to the "man cave" to dispose of them and relax. With no idea as to where he was at that point, I decided a nice bath sounded amazing! So I took full advantage! When I was done, I unfortunately had to throw on my shorts again, but found a clean sweatshirt in his closet to steal. He then walked in, saying a shower sounded about wonderful. We chatted for a few seconds and he started making his way toward the bathroom, removing his shirt in the process. I told myself I wasn't gonna look....swore I wouldn't...but my curiosity got the best of me, and my eyes wondered in his direction. PERFECTION! It was like the clouds of heaven had parted and shined down on him in every way imaginable. I was deep in a coma of horrible thoughts when his moms screams for help broke my concentration. He turned back around, threw his shirt back on (DAMN IT!) and toward the door.

I was standing up, about the time he had made it to his boots and had at least one of them on. Still in a fog, I grabbed my loaner boots and attempted to run out behind him. He had the second on and was like perfection running out the door. Still trying to wrap my head around what was going on, I managed to slip on the first with ease...made it to the doorway as I was trying to slip on the second massive boot, but my foot didn't quite make it into the opening and slipped. As my body began to fall forward, my foots natural reaction was to kick itself out in front of my. In a single motion, my large toe got caught on the opening of the boot, kicking forward to meet the door frame. Jamming not only my big toe farther into the boot and the hard wood, my second toe folded over to let me pinky tow and the one next to it slam into the door frame with a slight pop. That did it! Over I went, slightly out the door, doing a stellar barrel roll landing on my back, with my foot still in the air, still attempting to get my foot into the overly obese boot. God knows what I looked like, in the midst of my almost killing myself, he turns back to check on me screaming "MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!", and attempts to stop mid run and turn back for me. I put my hand in the air and yell back "NO! GO ON WITHOUT ME! JUST GO ON!" He turns back to run towards his mom yelling "I'LL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!" At this point I've given up on the boot, dropped it to my side and I'm spread out like I'm about to make a snow angel on the concrete right in front of the "man cave", accepting my defeat, I just lay there. Not really planning on getting up any time soon. My toe throbbing like nobodies business. I gave up.

After a few minutes of laying there, realizing the grim reaper wasn't going to show up anytime soon, I managed to pull myself up off the ground. Pulled the other boot on and limped my way toward the stable. Upon my entrance Mr Meany and his mom were standing next to the horse, apparently already finished with the crisis that needed to be handled, they turned to look at me with inquisitive eyes. Both looked back at each other and then burst into extreme laughter. Apparently I was a sight to see. I thought they were laughing at the situation, but no, they were laughing at me. When I finally make it over to him, he spins me around and busts into more laughter. I was COVERED in hay. Someone doesn't like to sweep the porch to the "man cave" often...because it's the "man cave", so when he tracks over the massive amounts of hay in front of the door, he doesn't really seem to care about it. He helped brushed me off, laughing to his mom about how he wished he had a camera at that exact moment in time. I, on the other hand, didn't find it that funny, but I was glad he was over the whole depression about his horse and could laugh again. Over tired and over worked, I plopped my butt down in a pile of hay to check my foot. My tow had bruised instantly. This I HAD  to get a picture of. So I pretended to be mad at them and walked back to grab my phone and text everyone about my crazy interaction with the door frame.

At the same time, I thought I'd be a wonderful person and go inside and make the meany a sandwich, cause he hadn't eaten much of the dinner he had made, and because I'm a great person, right!? So I snuck away and pretended to own the place for a minute. Pretended I owned this gorgeous, lavish establishment, and that I was the head woman in the kitchen. Walked into the kitchen with confidence. It didn't last long though...once I realized I had NO IDEA where anything was. I pulled out the chicken he had put away earlier, tore the kitchen apart looking for a knife and all the condiments. Made one killer sandwich though! Then realized I had to clean up the mess I left. Called for a maid, but one didn't appear. Damn labor laws. Even grabbed him and his mom a water to sip on. How friggin' thoughtful am I!? Not really, just trying to show them my awesomeness. I walked back out, again, careful not to touch ANYTHING! I handed them their water, and he his sandwich, feeling pretty proud of myself I could tell I had a smug smile on my face. Well, he noticed it. Set the sandwich down, picked me up, carried me to the corner of the barn and threw me in an extremely large pile of hay. Who knew anyone on this earth could pick me up and carry me! let alone, throw me into a pile of gay. I ended up landing on my butt. Did you know that hay really hurts when you sit on it? Let along LAND ON IT!? I recall this from back in my ranching days, but I never knew it could feel like needles! At that point I gave up and just laid in the hay for the rest of the night. Yelling back and forth crazy antics, in which I always do, and to keep him from falling asleep. When I finally decided to climb out, I basically did a huge roll from the top to the bottom. Landing on the ground, so the bath I'd taken earlier was completely useless. The rest of the night was great, not to go into full long boring detail, but we ended up extremely exhausted, running back and forth taking the horse water, trying to get her to eat and not fall over when she'd stand up. Just one thing after another. Barely catching breaks here and there. I did wind up grabbing blankets and making a bed on the hay pile. Caught a few naps here and there. The next day was about as eventful, but nothing quite hysterical. At one point I nearly got ran over by a tractor and about trampled by Bessie the Cow. But all in all I lived to tell of my Ranch Adventure.

Someday, who knows, maybe I'll return to try it again. After all, that was ONE HOT COWBOY!

part 1. i don't fit in.

I've always considered myself a giving person. A friend in need, distress, whatever the case may be. I'm a great listener and am always willing to help a person when they just need someone to talk to. This time my "caring" went a little far...sort of took me out of my comfort zone, challenged my friendship abilities. Got a little injured in the process, but hell...I loved every minute of it.

I received a call from my "man friend" about his horse....literally...the living, breathing creature horse. Named Sandy. Mr Man Friend, being completely beside himself in regards to her not so great health. His baby was pregnant. Not doing so great, either. Sick, not eating, wouldn't stand up...normally usual for a horse about to give birth. But according to his calculations, she was in preterm labor. For those of you who know nothing about horses and their breeding rituals/pregnancy whoas, this is a bad thing. Foals rarely survive when they don't bake long enough in the oven, it's just not something horses are known for....moving on with my story.

I was slightly upset with this man friend and his dumb girl friend...well ex, now (don't judge me, I do what I do cause I wanna and cause I can), but the details aren't really important, just important for you to remember that I was mad at him. One evening I get a call from his mother, whom I needed to return a key to, that I mistakenly ended up in possession of. She was en route back to their ranch in the Visalia area, from Oregon, after purchasing a new filly. She cordially invited me to join her at her lovely home for an evening of movie watching and horse back riding the next morning. Who doesn't love horseback riding?! So I was more than down to partake in the activities. So, she picks me up at a very ridiculous 1 am or so and we're off. We arrive at her IMMACULATE and humble abode in the middle of nowhere's-ville and I take my place on the couch, making sure not to touch anything breakable, and keep my footing, so I didn't take a crazy spill and break some ridiculously over priced glass or porcelain item, most likely an antique passed on from thousands of generations...blah blah blah. Upon my sitting on the couch, I see Mr Meany sitting at the kitchen counter, covered in dirt from working with the horse all day, all sweaty looking delicious....I mean eating a delicious sandwich, in which I DID NOT cordially or formally acknowledge, of course. I was there to visit with his mom and return her property. She left me on the couch, and disappeared to change into something more lounge appropriate attire. Upon her return she begins to tell me that she's exhausted from her trip. That she can't possibly stay up and that we'll just have to do movie night again another time, and for the night I'll just have to hang out with stupid face in the stables. That's when it hit me. THIS WAS ALL A SET UP. He conned her into picking me up so I couldn't say no. Ugh, well I'll show him! 

He had disappeared into some other part of the house, in which I had no intention of ever seeing, or learning, I was there merely for a business. So alone I sat. On the couch. In dead silence. With the cat, Driscoe (if I have never mentioned this before, cats and I don't get along. AT ALL. They are all out to murder me. Viciously.) The cat was giving me the stare of death, I know he was thinking of the thousands of ways he could slit my throat with those sharp claws, and I'd never even know what hit me. I could see it in his eyes. Driscoe and his deathly scary claws. A few minutes later I heard a piano playing, coming from somewhere down some hidden hallway somewhere in the crazy mansion style house (I'm over exaggeration or course, but who has a house like that!? No one I know) . Who the eff plays the piano at 2 am!? Whom, besides my mother, even know HOW to play the piano!? Was it coming from a radio somewhere? Then I hear "Sara, come here...". Ugh, it was Butt Face. So I had to choose my fate. Death via cat, or deal with the man I was mad at....I'll take the man for $500 Alex. So I ever so gracefully, and carefully, lifted my big ol butt off the couch, making sure not to make any sudden or ridiculous moved, in case Driscoe decided he was going to act quickly on his murder plans. I even leaned over and petted his head to let him know that I was leaving in peace, so he didn't attack me from behind. I'm still here, so my peace offering must have been accepted.

Off I meandered down this glorious hallway of "oh so happy" family photos. Two gorgeous young females posing with the butt head and his beautiful mother, I assumed them to be his sisters. Of course, beauty always runs family deep. Ugh, I was gonna be sick by the smiles and the good looks. The farther I got down the hall, the more I had to choke back the vomit. At the end of the hall a door, slightly ajar, in which the sounds of the piano where coming from. At the other end of the hall I could hear the TV coming from his moms bedroom. OF COURSE SHE WASN'T TIRED...total set up! Anywho, I push open the door, and walk into this room filled with this gorgeous black grand piano. A guitar, a violin, I think what to be a cello (I've never seen one in person, so only God knows), a few other instruments scattered around the room, in perfect place. What kind of person owns this type of stuff? Could this place be anymore perfect? Ugh, the vomit was rising in my throat again. Behind the piano, there he sat, all showered and in a clean white t shirt and lounge shorts. Okay, maybe I wasn't THAT mad at him anymore...just kinda mad at him. Who could be mad a man who can play the piano!? Who friggin' knew. Every time I see him he seems to get just that much more appealing to me...or not. So he plays a few songs for me, shows me his true talent, barf about to escape my mouth when we hear the horses making a commotion out in the stables. 

He pulls me up with him. Puts on a pair of boots, and throws me one of his extra pairs. I'm not sure what world he lives in, but a size 14 mens boots are slightly hard to walk in for a girl who wear a size 10 and rarely even wears regular shoes!..and he was pretty much running. Whatever, I was pulling up the rear. By the time I caught up with him, he's in the stable and not really know what to do, I took a seat on a bail of hay in the corner, randomly texting people about how stupid I felt for being there. Whatever. The horse didn't look good. Not saying I know ANYTHING about ANYTHING when it comes to the creatures, cause I really don't, but she had labored breathing and you just tell by the look on her face that she wasn't a happy camper. She was attempted to lean on a post in the stable that wasn't really holding her weight, and it was causing the post to buckle. So Mr Guy I was still kinda mad at, had to get in there and change out a board or two, quickly and looking like he'd done this a million times, and with complete ease. Psh, whatever, I could do that anyday! Ha! I'm no stranger to a drill and some wood planks (I hope you call can hear the sarcasm in my voice). Realizing I didn't really know what to do, he took me to a small apartment looking thing about 100+ yards from the stables. Opened the door and turned on the lights to a cute, yet quaint, living space in which he referred to as his "man cave". Shut up! Equipped with everything a person could need to call a loft. Told me to make myself at home and he'd be back later. 

At some point I fell asleep watching reruns of Law and Order on the couch, all curled up, freezing to death. He spent the night pretty much in the stable, coming in the check on me every so often. At one point he moved me to bed, where I slept like a ROCK! For those who are unaware, my sleeping patterns are ridiculous, and when I do sleep, I normally only sleep an hour or two. Next thing I know it's about 9 am and I'm brought my breakfast by Mr I'm Still Mad At, never had that before, so hell, I'll take breakfast in bed! Ha, I'll show you! We spend a few hours out with the horses and this time I have the courage to actually go up to the horse and say Hi! The horse took to me quick. Actually got up from laying down to greet me. It was kind of, I dunno, how do you...magical? She let me pet her, and brush her mane, even rested her head on my shoulder, nudging me with her nose a little. The sweetest creature I've ever met. As a girl, I had attempted horse camp, always have had a thing for horses, but have always still been slightly intimidated by them, but Sandy wasn't intimidating at all. She was beautiful, older, but still young at heart, you could tell by her playful attitude. Who knew that a horse could have so much personality. I was astonished!

A few hours passed, and I remembered I had to be back home for my guitar lesson...yeah, yeah, yeah...guitar lesson! As a teenage I thought it'd be some crazy rock star someday if I could just learn to play the guitar...so my parents got me one for Chirstmas one year. I never learned to play it. Now that I'm single, with a thousand hours of spare time on my hands every week, I needed something to distract me from the boredom. And I couldn't waste my money on a lesson, so I made Mean Face drive me back home to get my guitar and then take me to my lesson

...to be continued.

DIE TROLL die....

Have I mentioned...my new neighbor looks like a troll? Not one of those trolls that sits on every old ladies table at the bingo hall, to bring them good luck, but a real live, lives under a bridge, hairy moles on his face, yellow teeth TROLL! ...if any of you happen to be a "living under a bridge" troll and you are reading this, I do, sincerely apologize for the harsh words, but this is my view of you. I own soap, and even have extra, non used tooth brushes that my dentist gives me every six months for my cleaning, in which stay wrapped up and never used, that you can have. You are more than welcome to come over and use my soap and shower to bath and hell, even my expensive, awesome sensitive teeth tooth paste, hell, I'll share, if it spares you the dirty looks and god awful smell. THAT'S A TRUE TROLL FRIEND!

why I will only take sleeping pills while alone.

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. Not sure why, be it stress or whatever, I've been extremely unsuccessful with even sleeping with myself (that was a joke by the way....).

Here's my horrible attempt at substance induced sleep...

As busy as some of my days are, and as lame as the rest, sometimes sleep really does do a body good, right?! Or so I thought... Last week, after a long had night (and morning) of rough tossing and turning, I finally drug my tired ass either off the couch, or out of bed, I can't remember, my nights and where I attempt to sleep is all one big blur. I got dressed, and attempted to ware myself out with some retail therapy, lunch, some extreme car washing and who knows whatever other crazy activities I could think of. Status post car wash the exhaustion started to hit me but I knew it wasn't going to happen once I laid down so while en route home I stopped at the local Walgreen's and got me a "HELP, I CAN'T SLEEP!" package thing. Some sort of every day, over the counter mind you, sleeping aide, meant for the every day person. Having never partaken in the drug induced sleep before, I figured, WHY THE HELL NOT! I had a friend coming over to see me in a few hours, I figured he'd check on me and make sure I'm still breathing at some point. 

Having taken the pill, I changed into my comfy clothes, stripped my bed of the sheets and comforter, got through almost a load of laundry and then cuddled up on the couch. 

<ENTER FEMALE FRIEND>

Hangs out on the couch with me, watching a movie. At some crazy point in the first half hour of the movie I'm dead passed out on the couch. Probably even drooling. 

<EXIT FEMALE FRIEND>

An unknown time later, I awaken, look over. Female friend is gone. I get up. Thirstier than nobodies frigging business, I probably drank a gallon of water, sat back down on the couch, found another movie on Netflix and at some point, passed out again.

<ENTER MALE FRIEND>

Awoken from some ridiculous nightmare I hear a voice in the back ground of the dream...

"Sara....Sara....are you okay? Do you need anything?"

In a drug induced stooper, I shake my head no and latch on for dear life (I'm REALLY had with nightmares). Apparently I was a little kid being chased and well, when I woke up, I thought I was still a little kid again. Any who more water. Back to couch. He found some ridiculous sitcom that he enjoys while I drifted off into freakishly weird dreamland again.

<EXIT MALE FRIEND>

Not sure where he went or where I even was, for that matter, I searched high and low in my entire 850 square foot apartment, and no male friend to be found. ANYWHERE. More water. Made a phone call to female friend to see when she left, and if she had run into male friend. around 8pm, I believe she said and no. Wow. Ok.

Back to dreamland, on the couch (<--- this fact being imperative to know).

<ENTER MALE FRIEND> at some unknown point.

I awake. 

A little lost at where I was for a second, cool air on my face, dark cool room...wait THAT'S A FAN! Some how I ended up in my bedroom. In a bed with sheets. Did I make the bed? Then I notice, my hair is wet...wait a second, did I take a shower? Pajamas too!? At this point I'm starting to freak out a little. Did I do all of this while asleep? ...and alone for that matter (not knowing male friend came back)!? What if I would have slipped and fell!? What if I would have DROWN!? Always to the extreme...I know!

I get up for more water and male friend is passed out, all comfortable like on the couch. I didn't want to wake him. So I get my water, head back into my room and start texting away. I believe at some point I pass out again.

In the either hours or so, that I was completely in this drug induced dreamland, I believe I could have been robbed, sold my brother to the slave market (probably willingly) and ran through the apartment complex naked at LEAST ten times...and I never would have known a thing! Woke up and just went upon my day. Good think I don't own a gun. 

Come to find out, during the next morning and the day after of interrogation of the two friends, I have come to learn that next time I shouldn't let friends stay there when I decide to partake in such ridiculous activities...they leave you on the couch and run for their lives. Multiple times apparently! Also, upon their arrival, I cling to them like a baby bird to their mother (well, at least the one of the male gender) due to extreme fear of being chased, or falling off a bridge (in which I TOTALLY do not remember this dream, but told him all about it). I eat ravioli. Like nobodies business. I take showers (in which I wish I could relive because apparently it was a good one). AND I persuade male friends to tell me bed time stories of the child fashion.

I just have to say thank you to the those two who were there to not rob me, persuade me to sell my brother, and forced me to stay indoors while naked! And for those who are wondering, no, I did not make the bed, my male friend actually did. I don't even make my bed while I'm sober, forget doing it while drugged up!

there's something about baseball and the ocean...turns me on.

FUN IS KNOCKING ON THE SCREEN OF MY CELL PHONE and I shouldn't answer.

I have nothing tonight. I've started a many of new posts, but none seem to come to a finish. Too much going on in this over active imagination and a certain male seems to be very distracting, without even knowing it. dancing around in my thoughts tonight. I meant to post this a few months back. They've been waiting to be shared with the world, and I forgot to hit PUBLISH. Silly me.

Going through some old journals...some poetry I came across that I have written over the last year or so...enjoy....




< exert from a great memory that i have one replay in my mind but came across - memories make me smile to myself>
"there was no hesitation in his voice, eyes or even actions, strong and confident, as a man should be. he went in for the kill and nailed it with a 10! PERFECT 10! enough passion and strength to draw me and leave me craving all of it. the feel of his lips pressed onto mine - his tongue touching mine - his stubble scratching and tickling my face - his caressing my face - his breath in my ear and on my neck - his whispers and moans - those eyes! looking into mine, know exactly what they want, promising me every inch of him - but i couldn't give in. kind yet hard as stone, in more than one way. as hard as it is to agree upon something so unattached - the harder it is to follow these said rules. how can you give those lips up...my body screams for more. but wait...is that a tree?"

p.s. "men" scare the shit out of me. they know what they want and they don't let you in on their inner monologue...they go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you. this man drives me crazy.




secret

adjacent to you, I yearn to be.
I strive to arrive
 the the intersection of you and I
.....contingent upon an agreement
in which, no one has to know....
    ~~our lovely little secret~~
melt my icecaps with your body
...heat me and fill me to the core
my heart pounding, blood running hot
dream it true
      ....wish it reality.
search for me in your inception
turned on and delirious - lose me.




passion = you and i
tangled limbs, tattered clothes, bites and bruises
love me til the sun arises
can't let go, run the mind wild.
screams and moans
giggles and dancing eyes
heart me day and night
erotic and nasty.
focused and sweet
...til exhaustion we do part.




ashes
 burn me with your flame.
douse me with no water.
   leave me to smolder under your tormenting grasp.
your eyes dance with pleasure and passion as your
gaze it set, determined to win - to settle the score.
passion bleeds from my every last pore.
eat me with your smile.
  touch me with your fist.
violent and eager I will wait.
reconcile my ashes and burn me oh so good again.




my slave(ry).
      violent passion, make it hurt.
tempt me with the heat of your kisses. drink me with that mouth.
give and show me everything that is you.
entangled sheets, deep breaths, hot flesh.
eyes fluttered and bitten lips.
  that body too hard to ignore - masculine, strong, inviting.
spun into a frenzy of pleasureful screams.
mind set on GO, yet stuck on every imaginative thought one could ever dream
i wish you here




do...
       .....do not tease me with your smile or love me with thy tainted flesh.
grip my body with tenderness, yet bring me to justice with your lips.
bow to me and kiss thine eyes with your colorful ideas.
tempt me no more, for i will steal you.
your shall not escape me, stranger.
i always get what i want.