While I was away...I'm not too sure what really happened. The cats across the way still check on me daily, my crazy black neighbors still yell "YO BLONDIE!" from across the street, and the **bread truck down the way is STILL parked on the street where that thug kid left it! The sun still rises in the east and sets in the west (somedays at least), the Earth still orbits, and my mom still asks when she's getting grand babies. Other than those normal, every day activities, I don't remember much. Lots of work. Lots of nothing. Lots of boredom, I suppose. But I seem to have awoken to an entirely different outlook on life. One where "fuck it" seems to be coming out of my mouth a lot more these days...probably not the wisest choice when you're attempting to find that other half to add to your single member Costco Membership. You know those second person, free memberships, are hard to come by these days...or so the lady at the counter explained to me yesterday. Told me come back and see her and she'll put ANYONE on as my second person, no matter if we have the same address, or not. At least Linda, with the awkwardly shaped breasts, is routing for me! Told me it took her 4 marriages to find her "man", I need to not settle for the first man who comes around (too late!) and find me a good one, like she did! I never thought I would have such an in depth conversation with a lady who works the RETURNS / MEMBERSHIPS counter at my local Costco. It was like a counseling session while my mom returned a shirt that just so happened to be too tight and my step dad's wonder purchase of water shoes ("so I can wear them around the house" he says...). My mother agrees with Linda, but says I need to stop with the relationships I'm in, "learn form the past". HELLO MOM!? No dates = no relationships. At least she thinks I'm playing the field and have some sorta of "game", but being "friendzoned" by every male out there isn't really getting my anywhere! (BTW, Mom, if you're reading this, sorry, but didn't Linda have weird boobs?!).
Funny thing is I've still yet to be brave enough to jump from a perfectly good plane, or bungie jump from an extremely tall bridge, or punch a bull in the nuts (not really sure if people do that, but hell, it sounds dramatic and exciting!). Although, I have acquired a TON of make up (figure it's easier to cover it up than fix the problem), a vast amount of couch hours and multiple stalkers (yes, stalkers...as in....won't go away, always calling/texting/trying to come over/caught at my bedroom window stalkers).
I'm going to compose a list. A list of things that I want to do before I die. On that list will include the things listed above. Except a lot more in depth, and crazy activities, involving probably lots of $, in which I don't have, and hot men, in which do not surround me! My next post will be just my list. Feel free to add to it. We'll make it sorta like a bucket list...although not. Just crazy shit I'd like to do before I get old, not die. What do I consider old? I dunno........hip replacement age? Being that I was in a car accident in high school, where both of my hips were dislocated, and the Dr's already have broken the unfair news that it's going to be tough on my body to push out a baby someday, I'm guessing my hip replacement days are actually faster approaching than most.
